epiphanies

epiphanies.... share less with non-deserving people. be your own best friend. expect noting and be surprised if something happens. being sick has taught me much about my surroundings.

july 4th 2009

i want to try to stop sharing so much with everyone on facebook and myspace. the reason being is i feel much of what i say falls on deaf ears. people say, oh i saw what you wrote today, but then they dont comment on it, or even take 2 seconds to thumbs up it. so i feel like im being annoying. and i dont like that feeling. its stressful and i dont need it with my health being weird right now. and when i was sicker everyone (99 percent) of people I know acted like i was being a child about it, an annoying child. i try to ask people when they are sick if they need anything, maybe im not always the best friend, but i do try. i have learned that only a small amount of people really do care, or show it, anyway. and that troubles me. why spend time with people that dont care about me? i am always always always there for certain people. i try so hard to be there, and then when i need someone, people just kind of desert me. this hurts and confuses me. it makes me think alot about time and how to spend it. i know i spend alot of time on the computer but its cheaper than going out to eat everyday and running the roads. i do want to get back into working out. im going to start again tomorrow. get back in the saddle again!! its not easy for me to Not Care. just as many people in my life do. how do i do that? how do i build a new life out of an old one? how to forge ahead, be more selfish, and concentrate on school and my health? i have to find a way.....